Yesterday was the World Naked Bike Ride here in Portland Oregon. And yeah. I was there perched on a borrowed bike averting my eyes and peddling with the rest of them. It’s my sister who got me into this.
“You’re coming, right?” she asked anxiously over the phone. “Everyone has bailed are you coming? You’re going to ride, right? Naked? You‘re going to be naked? RIGHT? I‘ll go alone but it would be nice to know at least one of the naked people!”
See Deon has been talking about the Naked Bike Ride for a year. She is an avid cyclist. She rides to work. She rides to play. Sometimes she rides all the way out to Corbett to see me. That’s almost twenty miles for those of you wondering. So she had to do it, had to join her fellow cycle nuts in shedding her clothes to demonstrate a cyclists vulnerability on the road. She had to peddle along in a celebration and example of their solidarity against our reliance on oil. And she needed me there with her, a witness and a partner in crime.
“I’m wearing underpants.” I told her. “I’m not rubbing my lady parts raw. Not even for the environment. Those parts are for pleaszuuuure, Deon”
“I might wear panties too.” She said. So it was decided. Over the week we discussed possible costuming ideas. A halo and wings? A feather boa and long socks? As always it’s all about accessories. You ladies know what I’m talking about. And when you’re going to be NAKED… well, the accessories only gain importance. In the end we decided naked was enough, naked spoke loudly enough, naked was the statement and that was all we had to say.
We headed downtown around nine with two bicycles crammed in the rear space of my car. I managed the bridge without hyperventilating and breezed into a parking garage without a problem. We were planning to meet Sock’s Mate at McFadden’s for some pre-ride drinks as she had VIP status which meant $2.00 drinks until 10:00 pm. Well you know what that means folks, drunk Dew by 10:15 pm. Sock’s Mate had me request Footloose and then it was balls to the walls dancing time until suddenly (couple hours later?) Deon is dragging me out of the club so we can fetch the bikes. There were a couple naked people riding around already and we panicked thinking we were late or something and ran to the car.
Yes RAN! Me! Running!
After getting the bicycles out of the garage we just rode down along the waterfront and followed the blinking red rear lights on other bicycles. The streets away from old town were quiet and peaceful, it was dark and a pleasant temperature, conditions were perfect. But …Perfect for a naked bike ride?
This might be the spot to mention I have not been on a bicycle for more than ten feet in …. well fuck let’s go with five years. I remember a little baby in the carrier in the back and it was not my current baby. Also even when I rode, I was not one of those… cyclist people. I didn’t’ ride with traffic. I didn’t ride with strangers. So, I don’t know the etiquette. We passed some cyclists on our way to the meet up point, they’re clearly going where we are and we’re right next to them…. So I would say stuff as we passed. You know, just “tallyho!” or “good evening” or I would tease people. This guy goes by me like he thinks maybe he’s in a race or he’s going to miss the naked and I hollered after him “hey there look at speedy Gonzales” and he laughed and peddled faster so I said “I don’t even know how to change gears! Just so’s ya know!”
*shrug*
We were getting close to the address. More and more cyclists were coming out of the side streets all around us and then we glided around a soft curve and…. Saw the biggest crowd of naked people with bicycles EVER.
In the first moments all you see is naked. You’re taking stock of your environment and everywhere your eyes land it’s naked. And you think BREASTS! And your eyes scamper off so as not to be staring and then, PENIS!! And no matter what you do or where you look it’s a big sea of ASS! Resting adorably on the bicycle seats. And overwhelmingly it’s flesh. Flesh everywhere.
June 14, 2009
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