Panic Paddling (arm flapping on a flotation device)

Most of the section of the Sandy River that we float down is shallow. Rarely is it deep enough to dive and most often you'd find it difficult to get your shoulders wet without also dunking your own head. It's a relaxing float. The water meanders it's way around large curves and we just sprawl our bodies across our various inflatable devices and watch the scenery. A couple spots are a bit bumpy.... like if you're in small pool and everyone jumps at the same time. We say "weeee" and "wooohoo!" and "white water!" and giggle about the joke.

And then there are the exciting parts.

I don't have a nice floaty. I float on a two man (they must mean the smallest men EVER)boat. I don't like that it is a boat so I flip it upside down and use it as a mattress. This works pretty damn well but it's an old crappy boat and only the outermost "ring" actually stays inflated all the way. So I end up in a sort of floating hammock as I make my way down the river.

I like to be on my belly with my arms up and over the top of the front of the hammock idly swishing them around in the water when I feel like it to cool off. Sara was nearby on her mattress doing the same. Her husband Aaron was a bit ahead of us in his inflatable Lewis and Clark canoe. Then we hear that up ahead the water is getting choppy. We adjust ourselves to be ready to paddle with our arms if necessary. Someone shouts that there is a log hidden in the water up ahead. Right exactly where all the water wants to go, where all the water is taking us.

"Aaron! Watch out for that log under the water up ahead!" Sara shouts. Her voice sounded kinda... serious. Looking back I think it was just a wife voice. Ya know.... like "Aaron pay attention and don't put a hole in your super awesome inflatable canoe 'cause then you're going to cry." But in the moment... I just heard the don't fuck around in the tone. I started to get nervous. Then she turned to look at me and says "MEREDITH!"  and she sounds really worried. Probably because I 'm a noodle armed bikini clad city girl on an upside down boat about to impale myself on a dead tree in the middle of the Sandy River.

So I did what any person would do. I totally panicked. I tried to get my boat to stop. My noodle arms were paddling like they'd never paddled before wildly smacking and splashing through the water...except... there's no where to fucking go! There's no way in hell I can get ashore and when the current is quick you go where the river fucking tells you to go.

Sara saw my face. She said I looked scared. (ya think!!? of course I looked scared- all of a sudden I thought we were dying!) "Meredith! Don't panic!"  She used her effective first grade teacher voice on me. So I settled down and once again accepted the river as a higher power...... and we all lived.The river carried us along and when it was done being fast and furious it returned to a lazy no care pace for no apparent reason the way rivers do. The way life does. I never even actually saw the log. I probably had my eyes shut when I was panic paddling.