Developmental Milestones

So lately my two year old has been swearing at me. Mostly me. Also sometimes Daddy.

He says "Fuckin you Mom!" when I'm telling him what to do or am in some way between him and the good times he could be having 24/7 if I would get off his toddler back. He always says it with his head down and even when he shouts it, it's sorta mumbled almost, if you can mumble without losing any clarity.

That's because that's the way he's heard it. Like say the power goes off for at least two seconds every thirty minutes and it frustrates me and I say "Fuckin' power!" with my head bent and at no one in particular.

We're mostly ignoring it. I think drawing attention to it just makes it worse AND I'll admit I'm not all that offended. It's in context. It's genuine. You really can't shoot a parrot when it sasses you. I have every confidence that he's intelligent enough that once he gains more impulse control he'll get it. It being the subtle nuances of language use and when and what's appropriate.

This morning I was on the telephone with my sister. Two Year Old was wallowing around on my lap. I heard him mutter "You butt" but figured it was just one of those toddler experiments with words. Here and there I was carrying on a conversation with both of them, together and separately when he said "You penis." Several times in varying degrees of authority.

A guttural snicker escaped me. "Did you hear that?" I asked my sister, bemused.

"I believe he just called you a penis" she confirmed.

"Where do you think he got that?" I wondered out loud. See, the swearing is clearly all me. When he can't get the trailer attached to the semi and he shouts "Dammit!" with his little forehead all furrowed, I know that can only come from me. A direct quote, if you will. I do not, however, have any memory of calling anyone a penis lately. Not that it would be out of this world if I did.

"You penis-butt!" he upped the ante hoping for a more satisfying reaction from me.

"I don't even HAVE a penis" I reminded him, kindly. These kinds of details escape him until we're in the shower and he's eye level with my missing piece.  Getting no response that was all that interesting he slid down to the floor and went off to reek havoc elsewhere.

It amuses me, though. That he, (and likely every toddler) discovered that calling someone a penis is a thing to do so early in life. That it made him laugh. Not an elbow or an ear or a foot… a penis. To already know that at two is pretty big. What else is there? Why do we keep going on and on so long after we make all the major discoveries? And then I realized he has more to learn, he still doesn't know that you can "Dammit" and you can "Fuckin'" and you can even " You penis"…but you do not "dammit", "You penis" or "fuckin'"  yer mom.