I Should Run

“Somehow the conversation came to girls fighting down at work.” Once again The Man and I  were hanging in the kitchen making casual conversation.

“Right. Somehow the guys on a construction site started discussing chick fights”  What next? Would they start discussing their last blow job? *nodding*

“Exactly. So they were all talking about how tough their girlfriends were and I just said my girlfriend is a sweetheart cause… well…. You wouldn’t win in a fight.” I spun around at this, hands on hips and scowling.

“How could you say that!!??”

“Cause it’s true. What if a big girl jumps you? What are you going to do? You’re going to run. That’s all you could do. You should run, honey.” he's just looking out for my best interests you know.

“I SHOULD RUN?”

“You don’t understand. These girls are carrying my weight around all the time. Can you imagine carrying me around all day? You couldn’t. You just couldn’t. They’re just bound to be stronger. And……. you’re a pussy.”

“I’m not a pussy! Besides. What would you prefer? You want me to be a dick? You want to live with a big dick? I gotta warn ya... it is not what you think it will be six years in.” He hugged me to hide his grinning and muffled chuckles and tried to redirect the conversation.

“You know what I would do. I would punch them in the neck.” he said into my neck “Knock the wind out of them really smash the esophagus. And then kick ‘em in the crotch. There’s things you could do with big girls.” He just kept adding big girl fighting tips even as my jaw dropped lower and lower. I decided not to ask him how he knew so much about fighting girls, I would prefer to assume he was just translating his knowledge of fighting boys. Oh who am I kidding. I don't need to understand him. I just do the laundry.... which isn't all that stimulating... which is why I don't mind stirring the pot a little now and then.

“I can’t believe you think I’m a pussy. And that you’re cool with that.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To make sure you never get in a fight. I would never let anyone fight you.” That's right. He needs me to be a pussy.

“You’d kick a girl’s ass for me?”

“Whatever it takes. You sure can’t be fighting. You would get your ass kicked. How many fights have you even been in?”

“Who cares! What does that matter?”

“It matters a lot. You learn stuff.”

“What about you never learning how to never have to fight? What about that? Maybe the best fighter never has to fight at all.” he shook his head but I pressed on. “How else do you explain how I kick yer ass every day without even flexing?”

“Them’s fighting words!”

***** the rest of this blog entry has been edited for explicit material to find out what happened visit The Man on a job site. Wear your hard hat.*****