Naked Butt Punches

I woke up extremely tired this morning. I had freaky vivid lucid dreams all night and even Little Man was clutching and clawing his eyes, moaning when we finally succumbed to the call of the alarm and got out of bed.  First stop is the refrigerator after shoving frozen waffles in the toaster.  As I stand there sipping my dew out of my favorite mug I notice The Man has left me a note.

A love letter perhaps? (What?… there's a first time for everything!)

A quick scan, standing there waiting for the eggo to  leggo revealed the missives true identity. It was a to do list. That's right. The motherfucker took some time out of his oh so busy morning hours to sit down and write up some suggestions on how to fill my time. He informed me that we needed groceries and reminded me to go to the post office since there's a package there for me apparently. (the mailman left me a slip saying so in the mailbox)

*shaking head* This asshole really doesn't know the first thing about me, does he. So I rode through pissed off and got to chuckling disbelief pretty quickly and put it out of my mind until five or so when he got home from work.

He was sitting on a chair taking his boots off and I was making dinner. There was a long time where we were staring at one another waiting to see who would move first. I'm talking like half an hour. We're pros. "So. Are they going to re-deliver the package?"

"I didn't call them."

"Did The Girls ride the bus to school?"

"No. I dropped them off as usual."

"The post office is RIGHT NEXT to the school!" He was incredulous.

"Yeah. I know. But I didn't have time to brush my teeth let alone get dressed so I didn't feel like going to the post office." I was grinning. It's not that I think I'm funny. I think he's funny for thinking I'm funny.

"There's no food in the house. Is that a healthy dinner you're making?" I know. He's unfuckingbelievable when he tries to get a rise out of me. I ignored the obvious fighting words.

"I got you some milk!!" I gestured to the fridge holding his precious titjuice.

"Yeah. So why didn't you go to the post office then?"

"It's in the OTHER direction!"  We dropped it. We were not fighting at all. It was casual conversation with a lot of tension and laughing. Neither of us had opened the can labeled "to do list" yet. I made a "healthy" dinner and he took a shower. By the time he got out I had the soup simmering and the biscuits cooking in the oven so I chased his naked self into our bedroom, saying "I think you need naked butt punching!"

"You better shut that door behind you if you're coming in here, woman!" He said as I pounced him, stealing the towel right off him. He started yanking a shirt on and I paused in our hilarious struggle saying "Should I add that to my little "to-do list"? Huh?"

He lifted me and propelled us backwards to shut the door, slamming me on the cushy bed.  Much chaotic monkey wrestling ensued as I tried to give him naked butt punches and he tried to get dressed to avoid them.

Alas. He is much stronger than me.

Still. I'll do that shit when I'm good and ready. And he'll get naked butt punches in his sleep.