The English Teacher

We walked out of the club and stumbled right into him and his crowd leaving at the same time.

*rewind* Approximately two hours before I had flipped him off. Well not him. The guy behind him that felt a tantrum was appropriate when I turned down a dance (clothed dance floor fuck). And he widened his eyes and put his arms out questioning his misfortune and I had to hug him. Then she flirted with him a little while about their hats while I made awkward conversation with his buddy until I could go back to dancing. So we were old friends in downtown night life time.

“Hey Handsome.” I said. “Is this your gang?”  we all started down the street and I exclaimed “Shit, Lila we’re in a gang now!”

“Yeah,” his buddy rushed to walk alongside me “but you have to be initiated. A gang bang.”

“You want all of us to gang bang you right here?” I raised my eyebrows. “I didn’t bring any lube. But I imagine we can come up with some sort of phallic like object. Or just make use of your buddies”

“NOoooo that’s not a gang bang. It has to be a girl. I don’t mean to shock you. It’s just that this is gang life.”

I adjusted the collar on his polo shirt. “and I can see you are just the guy to fill me in on such things.”

“What the fuck? Did you just dog me?” he turned to another in the group. “What’s up with that chick?”

“Where are you guys headed? Are you going to another club?” Hat boy asked Lila and I. I made the please let me start my long drive back to the crack ass of nowhere so I can go to bed and she made the I’m not done yet face and we shrugged. We were standing in front of a hippity club and I lit a cigarette. “Well. Can I smoke with you.”

“Sure.”

“Can I have a cigarette?” Lila laughed at this and I pulled out a cigarette and handed him that with my lighter.

“Just starting right now?” I asked him.

“That’s not how you light someone’s cigarette!”

“You want me to light it for you?” I took the lighter and stepped in closer and attempted to light his cigarette. It kept blowing out. And I laughed.

“No you’re doing it all wrong. You have to look me in the eyes.”

I couldn’t. Freaks me the fuck out. Finally Lila lit his cigarette like a pro and he said “See, your friend can do it.”

“Yeah. She’s awesome that way.”

“So what do you do?” She asked him.

“I’m an English teacher.”

“Dew loves English.” Lila surprises me by saying. He whips around to look me over to see if this might be true.

“Sure. I love me some words.” I said.

“Do you read?”

“I’ve been known to do that when I come across words.”

“What’s the greatest book of all time?”

“WHAT? Ahahaha! That’s a crazy question. And look at ya. You think you know. You already have one in mind. Only an English teacher.”

“I do.” he’s watching me and I’m trying to decide if I’m going to gamble. “I think you know.” he encouraged me. I had a moment of mild hilarity, as if I was in class and the teacher might be hitting on me.

“English teacher. What grade?”

“Tenth.”

“oh. Well that’s just too fucking easy.”  I eye-balled his hat and his facial hair and his manner and I knew I knew. “You know. It’s sorta unbearably rude to ask someone to be wrong for you the first time you meet them.” I inhaled and looked him in the eye. “It’s a big deal to ask someone to do that. Or you’re an ass.”

“Or they’ll be right.”

“Come on, Dew.” she was bored. “let’s go.”

“Alright. Thanks for the smoke lighting instructions English teacher.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in here with us?”

“I have a long drive.”

“Okay…”  he shrugged.

I turned around mid-intersection and he was watching us go. “The Great Gatsby?”

“I knew you knew!”

“Not the best ever. But it was a great book”