Random(ed)

I dyed my hair this morning. You know, that tempting tube of blood red knock off manic panic I’ve been coveting in the bathroom cabinet for about nine months?  *sigh* To answer your immediate questions: Yes, I hate it. Yes, it mostly looks orange-pink a color only suitable for sunrise. True, to be fair the orange is all mine and natural. No I do not have a sunrise personality. Although I do enjoy the way it accentuates my ass crack from where the color drained, I could have achieved that without this much headache and lets face it I rarely get to eye ball my butt cleavage enhanced or not. Yes, it looks like My Little Pony hair after fifty vigorous toddler scrubs with Magic Bubbles. Yes, I squeezed the bottle like a banana out of a peel and splashed blood red dye all over the bathroom wall. Yes the wall is the only thing still red. Everything else is flame pink but only when light shines on it. And. No, Mr Clean Magic Eraser’s are NOT that magical. (fucking men. I don’t care how shiny their head is you just can’t count on ‘em) It’s weird but now that my hair is destroyed and beaten and owned I have this odd sense of satisfaction. My work is done.

Before I took out my hair angst on myself (as it should be) I relieved a bit of it through my son. For those of you who don’t know; my son was born bald. A beautiful satin bald that I liked rubbing my face in. In the last two and a half years he grew some silken hair. Flat, limp, shiny delicious baby boy hair. Recently he began to develop a tic, shoving it out of his eyes. It was driving him crazy. Or it was driving me crazy. I don’ know I am growing out bangs so.. Could be I projected it. Shannon recommended cutting it in the bathtub and it worked great what with the mess going down the drain and him being relatively still albeit slippery. HOWEVER… there’s a LOT of shrinkage involved in the difference between wet hair and dry hair. And he didn’t hold THAT still. So0o0o0...Now his head looks like an egg would if you put a funny little swatch of carpet sample on top and the egg had big gorgeous brown eyes. And rubbery little pink lips and dimples. Gawds, there’s nothing I could do to un-adorable him.

For those of you still on the edge of your seats… My car is fine. I did get gas, but did not yet change the oil (smells like a weekend task, don’t it?) and the heater runs fine now that The Man removed the dead rodent from the fan bowl thingy. Turns out a mouse tail can sound remarkably like a pencil in a fan. I assume this is achieved through the stiffening power of rigor mortis. Or perhaps a limp something can occasionally get a job done. Maybe he used his tongue. Oh I know you think I’m one hair flaming satanic bitch but seriously that little shit had it coming, crawling up into a car!?!  Once in awhile there is still a waft of dead odor coming from the heat vents. Or that’s what the family claims. But I know their asses too well to believe it.

Do you remember in middle school how people used to say “SCROUNGE!”. How fucking funny is that? You couldn’t pick up a pencil without the deep throaty accusation going up… “Scrounge!” I mean, you might drop a twenty dollar bill on the ground and STILL hesitate to retrieve it for fear one of your classmates might accuse you of scroungery. It would be social death. *laughing*  Of course, this was before grunge.

I think we should bring back the word Hobo. But instead of calling homeless train jumpers Hobo we’ll use it for girls. Like say your girlfriend is up on the bar dancing you might shout “Look at the can oh beans in that caboose! HOBO!”  *shrug* yes, I find myself HIGHLY amusing.

Have you seen the people hired to hold a sign at intersections? Is this everywhere? I guess it’s a job but fuck that would be miserable, just standing there with your “CLOSING EVERYTHING MUST GO MATTRESSES” sign. It’s a non-job. You’re taking the place of a nail. Is it really cheaper for the store to hire these people than it would be to pay for advertising space? Is it some sort of community outreach program? The best thing is when we have the strong winds and they’re STILL out there. Literally being BLOWN OVER. Ahahahahaha! Oh how I laugh/feel sorry for them.My favorite is the guy who says "fuck, if I'm going to do this I'm going to DEW it!" and he twirls and whirls the sign putting on a fantastic show. I don't care what the fuckers with their horns behind me thought, it was worth sitting through an extra light cycle.  SO then I was thinking… why not advertise on the jack asses begging for money at on ramps? “Out of work, anything helps, god bless… this message brought to you by ADewZ’s myspace blog”  But I wouldn’t make them hold the sign. It would be attached to their heads like a hat and it would be HUGE. Not that I would advertise my blog. That’s just an example.