“The thing of it is that people can be a complete mismatch for getting the job done. It‘s like the guy thinks the gal is a nail and he‘s hammering away happily but she’s a screw. And every now and then he can hammer that motherfucking screw in and get the job done. It’s not pretty but it’s in the wall and I’m sure to him it seems good enough what with only having been with nuts and bolts before her.” I said to her after an hour talking on the phone.
“One nut can warp a person for good.” She pointed out thoughtfully.
“Ain’t that the truth. But her… she’s standing there with an entire tool belt…. scrambling to try anything and everything and it’s like he doesn’t see all the holes in the walls, he doesn‘t see that she’s being hammered to nothing, he doesn‘t see that there‘s all this work to be done. He doesn’t have any idea why she can’t straighten her shit up and be a fucking nail. All her tools just hang there useless, she’s not even allowed to do her own repairs and even if he does see…. he’s like shut up and hold still so I can hammer your screw in again. Because if all you’re armed with is a hammer, eventually you need to start pounding things.” I was on a bit of a roll or a runaway train. Something out of hand.
“ahahahahahahahhaahhahaah yes, the pounding.” She gasped and laughed, encouraging me to rant on with her.
“And she can’t get pissed at the hammer or the screwdriver or whatever tool she's dealing with, no matter how difficult it might be to understand where they’re coming from. Even if she's desperately shining the metal on the top of her Philips fucking head screaming for the love of Craftsman it’s so simple just fucking screw me already! He only has the hammer. (you might have to repeat that over and over for seven years before you get close to really getting it. You might have to be so beaten down with all the hammering that your entire self can slip outside your screwy mind and view the drama from outside all the hurt and the jeezus fucking christ don‘t you even want to try of it) He only has the hammer.” That’s really all it is I thought, he only has the hammer. I was trying to convince myself it could be that simple, it could be a matter of facts and therefore not worthy of a broken heart, not anything personal exactly, not a real rejection as much as a seeing things the way they are and acting accordingly.
“Yes!” she agreed. “And it’s not even as simple as being a single tool and finding your nail. Not for some of us. Not for the people wearing the well-stocked tool belt getting everything done. We’re a big giant series of jobs. We know that. That’s why we assume everyone else is. Anyone not needing work would be a waste of our hard-earned expertise. We have devoted time and energy and research and resources into our tool belts. Because duh… Even if you manage to twist the screw in, there are also places needing nailed. There are places needing glue. There are entire wings devoted to sanding and paint. And each spot requires the right set of tools.” She’s incredibly smart.
“Exactly, meanwhile there are troops of Screwdrivers showing up at her door. Because apparently she’s a pretty fucking decent looking screw. Not to mention the highly intriguing /attractive tool belt that just might be the answer to every fucked up problem they have, and they do have them - it‘s the nature of being a screwdriver. But a screwdriver doesn’t necessarily have any interest in hitting any of her nails. It’s mostly just the screwing they want. Hell, that might be the goddamn perfection to the twisty mind fuck of a screwdriver, actually. And you can TRY to hammer with a screwdriver. You can pound all day and listen to the light inconsequential tapping but the nail is not going in, not with all it’s attention devoted to spinning under the goddamn screwdriver. You just get bent nails. You just get broken screwdrivers. You just get dizzy. And you’re already smashed. And holy fuckall. Disjointed, I’m just afraid that no amount of gluing, sanding or painting is going to cover that shit up.”
July 03, 2009 CoWrite with Disjointed
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