We don’t have a great Mother’s Day history in my family. I pretty much hate this holiday. Yes! Even more than xmas! You can’t fucking buy anything for my mom. Seriously. Deon and I *whew* we have TORTURED ourselves with this since childhood. It doesn’t matter if she has talked about having something for DECADES. She really just wants to want it. Wants the idea of it. So when you roll that bicycle out with the bell and everything she’s going to do the face. THE FACE. And then it’s going to be parked in her living room until brother comes home from Idaho and hangs it under her carport. Fuck. That might have been her fiftieth birthday present. Whatever same difference. Interesting note… my brother could find a broken aquarium on the side of the road, I mean an aquarium without glass at all and my mom would display it in front of her fucking tv. I’m not kidding. She would name fish for the goddamn thing.
Remind me I have this whole theory on personalities like my brothers and the shit they get away with. Also I’ll show you my awesome head band I think he found on a mountain and gave me for my birthday one year. It covers my ears. He totally loves me.
And here at my house. I’ll just say laundry basket. And gold roped necklace. I think I can stop there. I think I have to. I’ll start sputtering. You really can’t give me a goddamn thing.
Mother’s Day:
The day when women of all ages go out of their mind trying to think of random stupid shit to give the mothers in their life. His mother. Her mother. Your mother. Mother fucker.
The day when a cliché ends up wrapped around her neck, wilting in her hands or surrounded with pink hearts and a Hallmark sneer in her mailbox.
The day when fathers pay homage to a mother’s superiority by demonstrating their inability to keep children quiet enough for anyone to sleep in and children remind everyone who their favorite is as they crawl all over Mom under the covers.
Update. I told Deon this year I'm retrieving the bike from the carport and bringing it in with a bow on it. Too pointed?
May 9, 2009
No comments:
Post a Comment