Tax Time

The Man is having a bad day. Well it started a few days ago when he did something to his rib at work. But by Sunday he was feeling way better. Until I jumped on him and he melted like my eyelashes did that time somebody turned the flame way up on my lighter. I wasn’t trying to kick his ass. It was a friendly leap. I take it for granted that I can inflict the full force of my flying awkward self at him at any time it suits me. Not that he'll catch me exactly but that he'll be there under me when I fall.

This morning I was clutching my cell phone (alarm clock) in my hand under my pillow moaning at the children to “rise and shine it’s time to get up” when I detected the rumble of his voice out in the living room. He stayed home from work. And that my friends is no small thing. Nothing keeps him home from work. Not death, or c-sections, or snow drifts, or  anything. So we can be assured he’s mortally injured.

But he didn’t stay home to go see a doctor. He figured it’s a great day to go get reamed by the tax man. And boy do we. Now usually, I mean, every other year, I would be getting a lot of heat on tax day what with not marrying him already and being self employed just enough to make the government pull out their largest dick to slap us with. But today his possible broken rib was keeping him mellow and afraid of me I suppose.

At one point during the bad news I took the toddler out to the car to get my cell phone and while I was gone the nice old lady typing our info into the computer informed The Man that  he “really should marry me. After all we LOOK married anyway.”  Amazingly The Man remained seated and gave her my line about it only being a piece of paper. THEN she says “But in the eyes of god….. You’re living in sin.” and he still sat there calm and complacent.

Two funny things:

1. She didn’t bring this up in front of me even though I’m the one who told her we’re not married soon as we walked in (without apology I might add) and she asked me to sign stuff that said spouse on it. Not a word about it. Not even a judgmental eye flicker. Either she KNEW I would have words with her if she said even ONE THING about it….

2. OR she’s not scared of me. Obviously he’s THE MAN. So he’s in charge of such matters. So she waited to gently explain to him the error of his ways. Gawds it’s funny if it wasn’t so awful for him.

Soon as we escaped the office he says “I didn’t like that old lady!”

“Why?”  I asked him. I really hadn’t even gotten a vibe from her. Then again I was rather distracted keeping the toddler from tearing their office apart and packing my guilty bags for how expensive it is to keep me.

So then he tells me what she said after we're driving away. I told him he was going to get his ribs looked at ‘cause clearly he’s not well if he just sat there and let that old lady pick on him.

“You broke me.”  he said.

“yeah I know, that’s why you need to get an x-ray or something.”

“no. in the office. I didn’t say anything.”

“Even I would have said something.”

“So. Do you want to get married?”




*sigh* 

April 06, 2009