Things I Learned at 80's Night in Lola's Room

*yes you can roll the top of a tank down and wear it as a skirt. Well. I did it. And I can hang upside down and blow my hair into a giant 80’s coif with next to no effort. Also, my eyes adore blue eyeliner and will not give it up. And last but not least you do not have to shave your legs to wear striped legging tights. *arm pump*

*you can’t tell who the dorks are. That guy in the hot pink parachute material ball cap? Who fucking knows if he’s in costume. And who cares! That members only jacket is HAWT! *snicker*

*The bitches are easy to spot in any decade. There was a herd of them ahead of us in line to get in.  “Oh my god I was going to email you about this but I didn’t because I thought, like I’m going to see you here so I just decided to wait and tell you now or whatever. That girl Lauren Barn, you know… Lauren BARN! She is such a BITCH! Oh my god I’m at this baby shower and oh my god I had three helpings of enchilada I feel like such a cow but that BITCH was there and she had that bag.. You know that bag we saw when we were shopping………………………….”  I think she must have been speaking of herself in third person.

*And behind us were the nerds. Tall guy was describing in carefully constructed to make him appear smart and soon to be deservedly rich clichés how he was going to profit on the dips in the economy to curly haired 80’s nerd girl who probably just wondered how big his dick was the entire time he yammered on. Of course it doesn’t matter how big it is. I doubt he ever shuts up long enough to use it and if she opens her mouth and reveals to him his own giant head he will be limp for a month. This was more of an observance on HER learning experience than my own. I've known how amusing it is to picture the other people in line with me waiting for anything getting dirrrrty is for years.

*The floor is bouncy in Lola’s Room. Good for jumping. You don’t even have to dance yourself if you don’t feel like it or you get tired of trying to figure out how to sway to moody synthed ballads, just standing there you’re forced to bounce and readjust yer cool every few seconds. Or that might have been the drink. Or the side pony. (My hair is big and heavy. I really missed my decade.) I didn’t challenge anyone to a dance-off though I wanted to ‘cause I was in my stiletto’s. Not so great for break dancing I assure you.

*The thing about 80’s Night if you’re single is it’s a chick fest. The only guys there are lower-class members of a bitch-herd (drink fetchers expected to answer the bitches‘ beck and call and drink enough to act stupid so the bitches can be angry-hawt) or with their girlfriend trying to give life to her pretty in pink fantasy.  Well. There was also tall guy but my single friend wasn’t interested. If you’re a “tall guy” you should make a note of that.  Hot girl… looking for trouble. …. Not you. Yeah. You’d think he could have transferred his knowledge of profiting in a recession to his current situation. 

April 04, 2009