Finding the Hole

“Yeah, what is with guys wanting to slap people with their dicks?” my sis asked me. She was reading through the comments on the sex tip blogs.

“I don’t know. It must do something to your brain growing up with a sex organ as an appendage.”  I responded lamely. “You can’t walk on it. You can only write your name in the snow so often.”

She bobbed her head back and forth mimicking her probable response to being slapped in the face with a penis, wincing and questioning with her eyebrows.  Then she holds her mouth open in an oh shape and gestures madly at her mouth, garbling, “Heye! Put it HErye! Right HERE! My Mouff! Pu it in my mouff!”

I collapsed on the floor hysterical, saying “yeah that is exactly it. They can’t find the hole. That explains it.” nodding enthusiastically.

“If they can’t find the hole in my face… they sure won’t have a chance down below.”  she quipped. We giggled wildly for a bit at our own funny.

“Some ladies do like it.” I pointed out.

“Maybe they don’t know where their holes are either.” she replied.

“Dick slapping is ridiculous. But what about the eye contact thing? Why must we gaze romantically while we’re sucking dick? It‘s not like people stare at each other while they‘re kissing. Except for The Sandwich, he did everything with his eyes open and man was it creepy.”

“YEAH!” more frantic miming of sex acts. “And I don’t want them watching me when they’re down there either. I hate seeing their little eyes peeking out. You can’t see their mouth- it’s all beady eyes staring at you, and they have no expression it’s this blank dead look.”

“Try letting up a bit- maybe he can’t breathe. Oh! You know what you need to do; just rotate around and give him your own blank stare.”

“ahahahahahahahahah! That’s awful.”

“but it works. And he won’t even know you’re avoiding eye contact, 'cause he'll be distracted trying to slap you in the face with his dick.” She was bent over laughing now.  “If you had a dick you could just slap him around a little and tell him to shut his eyes. But ya don’t. So it’s sixty-nine for you. Wear goggles in case he never finds your hole. Thank me later.”


March 30, 2009