My son is two and will be three in August. A little boy really. Still, we’ve never been farther from potty training then we are now. We were a bit distracted when he was too young to be attached to crapping his pants. Now he’s taken a stand and he’s vehemently opposed. He insists “I’m a baby” and will explain “I wear diapers!” when questioned about it. No0o0o0000..... really, I have no idea why I get the “intense” personality children. I’m like lemonade on a hot day!
***Just to warn you this is not a solicitation for potty training advice. I have had the *ahem* pleasure of potty training several kids. I don‘t want to be cocky exactly (but this is indeed me slapping you in the face with my giant child rearin' dick) but I doubt you could tell me anything I don‘t already know on this topic. This is not a challenge. This me encouraging you not to bore me. I already know what I did wrong, am doing wrong and will continue to do wrong. PS the people dropping cereal in the toilet are fucking insane. I only feel this strongly because I KNOW my son would pee in his granola at breakfast.***
Earlier today I heard the soggy thump of a diaper hit the floor just after he informed me loudly “This diaper is full, I need a new one. I‘ll get it myself. I DOOO ITTT MYSELF!”
Yeah. So it’s not that he’s dim.He just likes diapers. I blame modern technology! They're so damn absorbent! And, I’m well aware of what would happen were I to force this issue directly. I’ve given him time to get over the move, the girls going to school and waited for the weather to warm because the fewer items of clothing the easier it is. I’ve watched for hints that his opinion on the matter might be changing. I’ve watched to try and discern if he’s controlling his bowels. (eww… I mentioned bowels!) The other big trouble is getting him sleeping in his own bed which I think should come first. However there is disagreement on that topic in the house. (by the way this whole two parent thing is for the birds. But let’s not go there today.) So…. Since noticing the toddler decided the potty is BAYAD I spend a lot of time discussing my potty life. Of course I’m banking on his superb mimic abilities.
I make a big deal of pausing mid-activity and explaining I must get up and interrupt our block castle building to use the toilet. I let him watch. I mention how proud of myself I am when I make it to the toilet in time. Sometimes I pretend like it was a real close call, too. I talk about how pleased I am to flush the toilet and put the lid down. I exclaim over the pleasure of washing ones hands after and remark upon the correct way to use the bathroom towel, ie do not drop on floor and stomp over with muddy shoes.
I can see he can see exactly what I’m doing. Oh he’s onto me for suuuuuuure. The corner of his mouth lifts this TIIIIIIIINY bit and I just know he KNOWS. Other than that he ignores all of it except for showering me with praise on my potty skills. Cause he’s a sweetheart and he’ll support me in my toilet choice even though he himself has made a different toilet choice. The choice to get us to support the Huggies corporation for all eternity.
So I went in from another angle:
When I’m folding laundry I talk about how much daddy loves wearing his underpants. And sister her underpants. And cousin too! I talk about the comfort! The STYLE! Why! It’s like a hat or a pair of shoes! (real big in the pre-school set) And there’s all kinds of underwear, it’s soft and dry and comfortable and everybody loves it. WHy! I'm pretty sure bob the builder himself wears tighty whities! (that's funnier if you know my mom's b/f looks like bob the builder) But he knows better.
“You underpants, Mama?”
“Sure. Mama loves underpants too.”
He laughed disbelievingly. “You no underpants.” So I took him to my underwear drawer and showed him the piles of underpants rarely worn. He was indeed impressed. He likes to wear the thongs on his head and considers the drawer his own personal dress up box. He knows damn well Mama rarely wears underpants and when she does he’s sure not present. Just like all the shoes.
So.
Today I took a nap with him and I pulled my jeans off to climb into bed and I was actually wearing underpants. They were the boy short cut. Blue with pink polka dots and some buttons. ( I only mention 'cause I know you'll ask) His eyes got huge and he directed “Leave those on!”
“Yeah. I’m going to leave them on.” I confirmed, choosing not to bring up his bossy tone just before nap.
He put his arms in the air and cheered “YAY! I like it!"
We’re just so proud of me.
March 31, 2009
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