Enjoy the Ride

I won the take Loree home from the hospital contest. She told people it was because of my SUV but let’s face it, she just likes me more. I was nervous about the entire thing because it strongly resembled responsible adult behavior. You know… someone needing me and whatnots.

First off I was late.

*insert legitimate late excuse here* I really have one I’m just not sharing. :)

When I arrived I realized there’s this whole… check her out procedure. Seriously. It was like busting her out of jail.

“Did you get the stuff?”

“Yeah I got the stuff”  *hands over giant bag of drugs*

“I haven’t had anything since ten!”

“HEY! Not the Vicodin! The strong stuff! Take the strong stuff!”

“Did you check with the cashier desk on the other side of the moon?”

“Yup. No problem.”

“I think they want to wheel me out.”

“Cool. I have to run ahead and go fetch my car from Mars. I‘ll pull up at the doors.”

I had rolled the passenger seat back as far as it would go since Loree is tall. And I slanted the seat back a little ’cause she just had surgery and all.  So she got in and made it more upright ’cause she felt it was more supportive that way and off we went.

Pretty soon the super strong drugs kicked in. But she hadn’t had lunch. So she got nauseous. Also maybe I’m a rotten driver. I don’t fucking know. So she decides maybe a slight recline might be a good idea. (HELLOOOOOOO!)  And she pulls the lever on the seat to lean back a little.


WEEEEEEEE Seat slams all the way back hard and fast. Hard and fast!!!

*makes note for some later time when such information might be useful*


Course all I know is that Loree is suddenly fully reclined and yelling “ow ow owowowo!* while I navigate traffic trying not to laugh too loudly, resisting the urge to flap my arms and saying “are you okay” over and over as a mantra and and and also wondering where I can turn around to take her back to the hospital and if it's really a horrible thing to smoke a goddamn cigarette since I was pretty sure we were both going to die soon.

“Why would you want a seat in a car to DO THAT????” Loree asks

“It definitely keeps going if you keep leaning. You must have leaned hard.”

“yeah.”

“Maybe now take the Vicodin, too.”



*Please don’t tell Loree’s mom. 

November 11, 2009