We caught a horrible virus of doom on our computer yesterday. *sigh* Ya know, ‘cause we need more stress around here. Long story short - the computer is now like new. And probably I should be horrified. Maybe I am even. Maybe under the super shiny reflective surface of a half full glass you realize that no matter the amount in your glass - it’s all tears. But I don’t go under … I hang out in the half empty portion and blow bubbles on the slippery surface so we don’t have to discuss the baby pictures (gone!) or the shit I’ve been writing (gone!) or the programs I don’t even remember (gone! Gone! It’s all gone!)
And up here (straddling the edge of the glass, remember?) I’m liking the purity of an empty computer. I’m loving the EMPTY. The START OVER NEW of it all. My gawd. I’m moist just typing about it. I probably won’t even save this document (it’s crap anyway) because it would sully up all the pristine pleasure of uncluttered good that is the computer right now. The real kicker is that I want to guard it. I want to stand in front of the computer and stop those I share it with from fucking it up.
I want it all mine. I want to know any fucking up is my own. I want total control. I want order and planning and damn it what is it? I want KNOWING. I want to know. Everything. That’s only possible alone. Empty. Uncluttered. Not that it is possible. It’s not. I was just fantasizing in public.
Oops!
Good thing we were just talking about the stupid computer. *relieved*
August 10, 2009
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