“What’s this?” I could see that it was a plain white box with an acronymed return address he was holding I just didn’t know why we were so excited about it.
“Well you know. You know how it’s been and how we‘re …… anyway…. I got something for you. Don‘t be mad.”
“oh. Ummm… okay.” He lifted the lid and revealed a pink jelly dick shaped vibrator with a frightening hummingbird perched and poised to attack at the base. “oh…..Oh gawd. A vibrator?” I hastily tried to control my expression.
After a glance at my shocked pink face he quickly launched into an enthusiastic description of the many functions. Slowly I came out of my stupor and interrupted. “This …. This is your solution? I mean now? Now this? With everything we‘ve been talking about…. this is what you decided to do? Your timing is… ”
“I knew you would be mad. It’s not a solution. It has nothing to do with that…It’s really for me. It‘s mine.”
“It’s yours, huh. I’m not mad! You can buy whatever you want.” I lifted the shiny brand new plastic smelling robot dick out of the packaging and looked at him hard “And what exactly do you intend to do with this?”
I thrust the thing in his face and he took it from me, gesturing with it as he spoke, “It’s for me… for you.”
“I don’t know what to say. If I had to make up an example of how I can talk and talk and talk and you coming away with completely different ideas of what is needed… I mean…. Jesus.” I fingered the snout on the tiny bird insect making it zing back and forth creepily.
“I knew you would be mad.” He made a big production of packing it back up.
“I’m not mad. Damn it. I’m sorry. Thank you, I mean. For the gift …for you…. for me….. Thanks.”
“I already put batteries in it!” he announced happily.
August 26, 2009
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