We parked our bikes and climbed off. We began shedding clothes. First the sweat shirt. Then the jeans… I tried pulling my jeans off over my hot pink old school vans. They’re smallish shoes so I really thought it was doable but I only got one leg free and then hopped around in my underpants like a maniac trying to get loose and finally Deon had to help by pulling the pant leg back up and I had to take a shoe off after all. Then the t-shirt and the bra found their way in the basket alongside Deon’s rear tire as well. And then there I was, standing in the industrial area of downtown Portland in nothing but black underpants and tennis shoes.
“I’m taking my underwear off.” Deon stated in a bold surge of self-empowerment. “I kinda wish I hadn’t shaved. Do you think I look like a whore?” She scampered to mount her bike quickly.
Already back on my bicycle (I needed a prop!) I side-longed Deon… naked on her bicycle. “No. You do not look like a whore.”
“Don’t look down!” she advised me. So of course I did. And then right back up again. There wasn’t anywhere TO look. Me almost naked on my bike… my sister buck naked on her bike. Thousands of naked people around us on their bikes. I mentioned the flesh thing, right?
It’s amazing. We’re all… fleshy. I mean sure there are differences but mostly as you sit there and your skin gets used to all the air on it and you adapt to the idea that people might be seeing you naked. You also adapt to seeing them naked. Before long you’re just hanging out. Naked. Conversation revolved around the waiting. It was like any other event I’ve attended, concerts, sports games, the dmv, just people… waiting for something…..not talking about how naked they are.
Lots of people were in some form of costume or another. The theme for this year was Where The Wild Things Are so there was plenty of fur underpants and all manner of animal print. Many had been to the pre-party and had body paint all over themselves. There were messages “Ass powered!” or “Oil Freedom!” There were tattoos and body piercing and wings and glitter. There were socks in every length and tutus on men and women and even some masks. All kinds of bikes were there, the kind you sit to peddle, the tall kind you need a parked car to climb on and ride, tandems, off road, racing, anything you can imagine, some of them decorated. There were people on skateboards, long boards. Any human powered form of transportation is welcome.
This might be a great spot for some advice for the folks thinking “hot damn I’m going to do that next year” and hopefully certain individuals I cannot name will hear the news and next year will be better. For the love of holy nudity people…. Take a shower! Naked does not mean smelly! You’re allowed to wear deodorant! The BO!! We hadn’t even started yet! Also…. Lint. If you have hair in your ass crack…. Dear gawd I hope that was lint. I cant even go on… also for the man wearing the hair shirt…. Right on theme man. Right on.
Around this time a couple of naked men climbed on top of a mini school bus and further excited everyone. There were fists pumping in the air and roars from the crowd and grins all around at their shenanigans. “The helicopter” … “Oh my - doesn’t it look like an elephant..” etc.. Some other naked man decided to try and climb a building.. Some “ooohs” erupted but everyone politely looked away when he sort of skidded his front down the bricks back to the ground. People around us were making naked jokes. “Better get my helmet on! Safety first!” coming from a naked cyclist. “Does anyone have the time?” directed at a giant mob of nudists is rather funny as no one is wearing a watch.
We were all ready to go. We had seen enough naked to be bored with it. Really. That soon. I saw two very nice racks. I saw lots of cold penis. I saw many shapes …. And sizes. I saw hair and hairless. I saw every shade of skin. I saw nipples in every assortment. I saw bellies and backs and cracks galore. It was time to take the show on the road for gawd sake!
June 14, 2009
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