"Sooooo…. I went to redtube the other night." I mentioned casually. His head whipped around quickly. No matter how often or how easy it is to make him do that, I enjoy it at least a little every single goddamn time. I remember the first time it happened, too. It was after I slept with him and decided he was a fuck buddy, he drove me up to rocky butte..(nooo it was Mt. Scott …maybe… or that one with the Street of Dreams this year, fuck if I remember) to walk around and laugh at the dog people. For some reason my vagina came up in conversation and I called it "my box" and he about died laughing, blushing and looking at me as though I had horns. I guess up until then he had thought I was a nice girl, even after the fucking. *shrug* He enjoys thinking he's the dirty one so I only dole out the disillusionment in small doses to keep from shattering his sex ego.
"What were you doing on redtube?" he asked, staring closely at me and then turning to pretend he was very busy keeping track of what the wall might be up to. It was a fair question, I'm not a big porn fan. Not that I have anything against it other than it exploits people, just that it doesn't do much for me. "I was just perusing your search history."
"What!?"
"Well. I type in letters to see what comes up." I love watching things dawn on him, it's as if I have my own personal light switch for the sunrise. "It's like cliff notes for your fantasies." he was distracted now, probably rolling through all the possibilities of what I might have run into over in his mind. "I have a concern."
"Oh you do?"
"Yeah. I noticed a lot of giant shit going in pussys." I paused for effect. "Never. Going. To. Happen.." I shook my head dramatically and we laughed loudly, releasing the tension that had built up. "Seriously dude, what's the deal?"
"I don't know. Some chicks like that."
"What chicks? Porn chicks? You do know that's not real, right?"
"It's real!"
"I mean, they're acting." I clarified over his launching of all the reasons porn is real speech. "Don't change the subject anyway. Name one chick that likes it that you actually have known."
"X"
"Are you fuckin' with me?"
"Nope. She LOVED it!"
"LOVED it? Are you sure she wasn't pretending to love it 'cause it turned YOU on?"
"It was HER idea! She pretty much made me do it!"
"She said OOOOOH MAN … oooooh , put your entire fist up my twat?" I asked him incredulously.
"Well. Not like that. But yeah."
"wow." I stood shocked, leaning on the countertop for several beats. Still unable to absorb this shocking information I stepped out on the back porch to light a cigarette. "Your whole fist?!?" I asked him for clarification. He balled his fingers up and bent his elbow, raising his fist in the air and shaking it a bit as he wriggled his eyebrows at me. "Sweet Jesus!" I exclaimed appreciatively, practically breathless with amazement. The Man has giant hands. "Well. Those days are over for your hand, mister. Getting your dick in is enough trouble."
"Don't I know it!" he teased.
"Shut up you shit. That's not even true."
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