A Series of Unfortunate Smells The End

We loaded up, hit the road and about five minutes later, the cat makes a sound unheard before from any animal EVER. Guy says "Oh shit. I think he shit."

"What are you talking about?" I asked him "I don't smell anything." I checked.

"DON'T BREATH THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"

"I don't smell anything! You're teasing me to see me freak out. Did you fart or something?" I checked again.

"DON'T BREATH THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"

"I DON'T SMELL ANY….." *gag*     *double gag*

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO BREATH!"

"OH FUCK! THAT'S TERRIBLE!" I was crying. Not, you know CRYING, but tearing.

"STOP BREATHING THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"

"I'M NOT!" I smacked my hand at the window controls sliding them all down all the way. As air blasted around us it felt like I was flying a topless plane. The cat howled on."

"POOR LANCE!!" Guy said over me barely keeping myself from retching all over my steering wheel doing ninety down I84 west.

"POOR LANCE!?"

"Well he just shit himself, how do you think he feels!? Pull over!"

"THERE'S NOWHERE TO PULL OVER!" *gag* I pulled a wad of my own hair across the lower half of my face to breath through. Or hang myself if it came to it.

"STOP BREATHING THROUGH YOUR NOSE!"

"I'M NOT! I CAN SMELL IT ANYWAY! I WILL PROBABLY SMELL IT UNTIL THE DAY I DIE!" I was ranting and retching, pushing the accelerator as fast as it would go. "WHICH MIGHT BE SOON BECAUSE I CAN'T DRIVE AND HURL AT THE SAME TIME!"

"MY POOR CAT!"

OH GAWD SOMEBODY HELP US!"

"There! Stop in Durkee"

"Stop talking about it, you're making me lose my focus!"

"What are you talking about! I said stop in Durkee"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY SAYING DOOKIE?"

"THERE, Take this exit! It's Durkee!"

"OKAY!!" We pulled off the freeway and I could see that Durkee, might as well BE Dookie. The "town" is a gas station and a roadside café. I pulled up next to a dumpster and ran from the car in the hopes that I might rid myself of the evilness anyway possible even if it meant puking but I was saved from that indignity by having an absolutely empty stomach. Deep breathing restored my ability to think. "We need a new box." I told Guy.

"There's no other box!" he said, "I can just take the shit out." he held the box upside down. *splat… splat …. Splat-splat*

*gag* I took ten steps back, as far as the leash would allow me. The cat was in the car, on the other end of the leash. "LISTEN TO ME! YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT, THAT BOX IS OVER! LET THE BOX GO!"

I made him dump out a box of his belongings and put that cat in the box and hold the box on his lap, all the way to Baker. Where I found a Rite Aid and purchased and actual cat carrier. And two rolls of paper towels for the bottom. And water.

The rest of the trip…. The cat was fine. Not thrilled, to be sure but fine. I stopped one more time. For gas.