"I'm going to put you on the account." he said. We were at Blockbuster choosing movies to pay late fees on a couple-few years ago.
"What? Why?" I was startled by this news. We had already moved in together wasn't that enough?
"So you can come rent movies whenever you want." he said simply.
"Oh. Okay. I guess." I couldn't imagine a time I would go rent a movie, it was more his thing so he went up to the counter while I meandered my way around the outer edge of the video rental store. One benefit to almost never watching movies is the plethora of choices you have when you DO go.
Then I overheard The Man talking to the employee at the front of the small store. Actually what I heard was far more dangerous than that. I heard the little punk talking on and on with almost zero response from The Man. I figured I'd go rescue the employee from dismemberment. As I got closer I heard the tail end of their discussion.
"Are you sure you know this girl well enough to add her to your account?" the guy asked him.
"We live together!" The Man answered.
"What's going on?" I asked The Man and shot him the 'this really isn't important enough to have an aneurysm' look.
"He needs your name and stuff" he said and shoved a clipboard at me before wandering off angrily.
"Ooooookay.." I took the pen from the counter and began filling in the information.
"You realize he doesn't know how to spell your name and I'm pretty sure he's not positive of your last name, right?" The little jerk had his body propped against the counter I was using as a writing surface, speaking to me as though he and I were old girlfriends about to dish, as though he would like to be that guy, the one who plays the "your boyfriend sucks - you poor baby" card all the way to the top button of your pants and never understands why he never makes it in. "What are you doing with him?"
I ignored him completely until I had all the spaces filled in correctly and had carefully placed the pen under the clamp on the keyboard. He waited patiently, he's sensitive like that , ya know. Then I looked him square in the eye. "I don't need what I already have." I gazed at the little weasel meaningfully and passed the clipboard over to him. "and I already have a pussy."
On our way out to the car The Man asked "What was that guy saying to you?"
"What a nosy little prick! Never mind that!" I answered him "You can't spell my NAME?" I asked him incredulously.
"It's a hard name!" he said "Dew(ed) can be spelled a lot of ways! And it doesn't come up much. When have I ever needed to write your name?"
"It's not like I spell it different ways to confuse you, though. And you've never known anyone else with it spelled any different." We drove toward home in silence. Finally I broke the silence with a joke. "I know how I'm spelling it right now: F U !"
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