Untitled part four

Josiah had already turned his VW bug around and I lowered myself in it's lowered frame delicately. The car was his baby, he had re built it and added hoopla to it for the last two years. The Roommate hated his car, hated that he loved it, spent so much time on it and was so protective of it. They met when he worked at a Jiffy Lube, she was having the oil changed in her vw bug, a rather beat up car, but loved all the more for it. He fell in love, with her, with her car, I don't know.

He sold his jetta and purchased the shell this shiny, all new car once was and spent hours and unfathomable amounts of money making it exactly the way he wanted it. The stereo was incredible and he had put nine inch nails on for me, eliminating the need for conversation until we got to his place. He lived with his parents. At barely twenty-one he was still in school to be a mechanic and spent all his money on his car.

It was the first time I had ever been inside there, I was surprised to see his bedroom, the twin bed and teenager like set-up. "So, you want to watch a movie?" he asked

"Umm… I'm not sure… I don't know how long I can stay, I have to work tomorrow." He nodded and turned the stereo on. There were at least three lava lamps going and one of his bedside lamps must have had a black light bulb, my white t-shirt was glowing. Rather than sit on his bed I sat on his giant bean bag, my stiff self felt ridiculous perched on the noisy vinyl bag and I was surprised when he plopped himself on the other end of it, nearly knocking me to the floor. It was a big bean bag, but not THAT big.  I hopped up and feigned interest in his posters, then sat on the edge of his bed.

He was up and out of the bean bag in a heartbeat, changing the cd and then next to me on the bed. He started talking. "Do you think there's any chance Roommate and I will get back together?" he asked me.

"Oh… Josiah… I don't really feel comfortable talking about that…"

"But she won't tell me anything! I keep trying to call her."

"That's probably a big clue… listen I'm just going to say that yeah I think it's over and let's leave it at that."

The silence spread thick and we stared at the lava in the lamps, the globs swelling and dripping. The Roommate was the only thing we had in common. "Things hadn't been going that well." he told me. "I don't know how much she talked to you about it."

"She didn't. Not really." I said. "We weren't really close like that."

"She thought I had a thing for you."

"What?!?"

"She never told you that?"

"No! Why would she even think that?"

"The thing is… I never would have.. I mean I never was going to do anything, ever. But now… I just always thought we would have been better together."

"Josiah……" he had his hand on my upper thigh. I picked it up and put it in his own lap.

"Is it too soon?" he asked

"No. It's.. just not right. I don't think of you that way."  he put his hand on my shoulder and massaged a little.

"What happened to you?" he asked me

"What are you talking about?"

"You used to be all lit up but for months now you're … you're… I don't know. Roommate said you got a letter and you've never been the same." he looked genuinely puzzled and I laughed uncomfortably.

"That's a weird thing for her to say." I finally said

"I don't know who hurt you or why you don't date or anything but ….Well, I think I could make you happy. I know you would make me happy." All at once he had decided it was go time, he leaned in fast and it was as if his tongue was down my throat before our lips even touched.

Hands on his shoulders I shoved him off me. "Hey! Josiah!" finally he seemed to hear me and sat up staring at me with a surprised expression.

"I think you better take me home."

"Okay." he said and I got up right away, putting my jacket on. We didn't say anymore until he had pulled up outside the apartments. "I'd like us to be friends." he told me "I hope you're not mad at me."

"I just don't really think that would work out." I told him.

"Tell Roommate to call me!" he said and I sorta shook my head and walked away.

He was reading one of my books on the couch when I came in. I didn't say anything. He didn't say anything. But he knew. And I knew it.