Take It

Thoughts from the road…

I love flooring my gas peddle, the sounds and vibrations of the engine are fantastic. That needle goes all the way to 140 or something… but we never get to go that fast! What a tease…

NO! I'm not thinking about you. I know you're wondering if I am, if I was. Well. I'm not. Not at all. This doesn't count. This is ANTI-thinking. And I'm done with that too. Right now.

damn….I wonder if anyone really wants me to keep writing that stupid story when I get back. I think I lost the groove. Why did I even start that? I hate that story. Oh well, I'm sure they've forgotten by now. I bet nobody will even notice if I don't. yeah right. Well. We'll see tonight when the kids are in bed... maybe I can just get back in it.

I do have other things to think about besides you. Thinking about it doesn't help anyway. ……. Nothing can fix it. So thinking about it would be stupid. I wonder what you would think about that. Stooop it! Get out of my head!

BigD better not think she's going to fall asleep. Wake up! I'm already drowsy… why is there a blanket on my lap? Oh. That's the sun.. damn it I'm trapped with the sun on my lap! Must drive faster.

I wonder if The Man's watered anything. Shit. I wonder what's dead. Should have called to remind him. Fuck that! He should just see that it needs watering and do it. He'll say he was "woooorking" like he can only have one task a day. One task! Good gawd if only we could just have one task.

When did I talk to The Man? Yesterday? The day before? Wow. Probably should have called him to say we were coming back today. Oh well. We'll surprise him.

The girls area getting sassy… I wonder if I care. I mean.. I like sassy. Still… they shouldn't be sassing Mama Dew. I'm the boss. *snort* I'm the boss ahahahaha! The boss.

You would totally laugh at that. You laughed at something similar yesterday. Heh. 'Cause it's funny. Anyone would laugh at that. Yeah but it's different. It's not different! Just stop it!

BigD Talk to me! Distract me! And Why is all my music so fucking melancholy? Jeezus it's a wrist slitting soundtrack in here! Hmmm… so boring in my own head. Maybe I can write in my head.

What I wrote in my head:

Here take it….the unrequited longing, the gnawing empty ache that spirals in and out of every moment. The steady build of thoughts and energy piled up without you to bounce off of and blossom with, all of it slamming and sliding up against the wall you've built like tectonic plates. All the treasures locked up in the time you never have, the moments you'll never know, the brilliance of sparkling glitter our fusion might have made, the heat we'll never create, the love we can't make. Just take it.