Heeeeey Heart Attack

It must be a mind trick but when the phone rings at one am it feels as though your stomach dropped out just before the shrill sound arrived. This was the case about a week ago, for me.

"Hello?" I answered.

"I think I'm having a heart attack." she said

"what? It's one am, are you nuts?" I asked her.

"So, it's not like you were sleeping."

"I was….. I could have been! Plus everyone else in the house is! You're not having a heart attack!" of course I couldn't know that for sure. It just seemed the most likely outcome.

"I'm not well, Dew(ed). First with the numb left arm for three days and I've just had this impending sense of dread. I looked it up online and I have all the symptoms!"

"Did you have them all before you read them or after?"

"This isn't funny! My heart hurts! I'm having chest pain, I've never felt this before! Can't you just come over?" her voice was tired and scared.

"Okay," I sighed audibly "I'm on my way."

I was relieved to see no one was using her parking space at her apartments. She doesn't drive so it's always a crap shoot whether I will have to park three units away. She answered the door looking pretty much normal…for people who don't sleep.

"So you really think you're having a heart attack?" I asked her when I walked in her always super hot apartment. The bunny cage was open and empty. "Ahh! The bunny is out?" I hopped onto her couch, tucking my legs under me and scanned the room to spot the evil basketball size ball of fluff. The bunny loves to chew shoes.

"I was feeling so crummy I looked it up online at work. I wish we had your computer here so I could show you. I have all the symptoms!" she was clutching her chest.

"Did you also look up anxiety attack?" I asked her. "The symptoms can be the same." duh. Hasn't she ever watched a sitcom?

"Really? All the symptoms?"

"Or indigestion."

"It's not indigestion!" she responded hotly. No one ever wants to be told it's something they ate. "It can't be that,  I haven't been able to eat!"

"Not eating can cause indigestion… stomach acid coming up you know." We sat in silence for a long time. I started flipping through channels with her remote. Just because I could. We don't have a remote at my house. I knew she was mad that I didn't believe her. It wasn't really that I didn't. Just didn't seem likely is all.

"My heart is just racing!" she exclaimed. "Can't you just sleep on my couch? Then I could go to urgent care."

"What!? You're going to walk by yourself? No! Get your stuff and I'll bring you guys down to our house and we'll decide from there. If you want to go in I'll take you." I didn't think people having heart attacks suggested walking anywhere.

"I don't want to wake her up. I should just go in. People don't go in, you know. That's the problem."

"You just need sleep. I think you're just over-tired and you're freaking yourself out. It's anxiety."

"Well. How do you stop anxiety?"

"I don't know. You wait it out. You get some sleep." Of course I knew this suggestion was ridiculous sounding to a person experiencing anxiety but someone had to stay sane.

"I'm afraid I won't wake up!" She leaned back in the chair and another cheesy late night re-run of a sitcom passed. I was pretty sure she was sleeping when she said. "Just go home. You can go."

"I can't go now! Come sleep at my house."

"No…. just go home."

"well, it is three am. Whatever we're going to do we should do it already."

"Just go."

"You'll sleep with your phone in your bedroom?" I asked her. With the phone right next to her it was practically like I would be there.

"yes."

"Call me if you need to, okay?"

"I will." With those assurances I went home, the baby was awake and calling for me when I arrived.

***** next morning*****

"I've already called her three times, there's no answer!" I told The Man in panicked tones. "I'm going to go over there."  We were interrupted by the phone ringing. It was her.

"Hello?"

"Hiiii" she sounded sheepish.

"Where are you?" I could tell she wasn't home for some reason.

"We went ahead and went camping." she admitted. "It was so early when we left I didn't want to call and wake you up." I was pissed.

"Weeeelll, so glad you're not dead!" I said. (Hey! I had a late night!) "Call me when you get home." We hung up.

***** all the days since *****

"Hey Heart Attack!" The Man says when she arrives at our door.

"You think it's so funny I almost DIED!?!" she asks him.

"Well, you're not dead yet!" he answers.