My Merry Prankster

"So I shit on her front porch." he finished simply.

"You did what?" I asked, sure I had misunderstood.

"I laid a big nasty turd on her front porch." he explained.

"Wait, how old were you, again?" I still couldn't believe it.

"Oh I don't know… young because we still lived here so I think maybe seven or eight." his tone was matter of fact, I could tell from it that he not only didn't find this tale unusual, he also still felt sure that she had only gotten what was coming to her.

"You shit on the neighbors front porch." I reiterated his narrative, putting a heavy emphasis on the word shit.

"Yup."

"That's all you have to say about it? I mean, you just say that like kids will be kids.. Can you even imagine Lil Dew shitting on someone's porch? Can you imagine some neighborhood kid shitting on OUR front porch?"

"Ahahahaha, no I guess not." He admitted.

"and then what? You ran away? Did anyone ever know it was you? Were you in big trouble?"

"Oh I'm sure she knew it was me, we pulled shit on her all the time." he began to chuckle remembering boyhood joys.

"Like what?" I hoped the log cabin he had constructed outside her front door was the worst of it.

"Oh you know… we used to climb up on the roof of the garage and moon her. We'd sneak in her yard and rearrange her garden gnomes so the plastic deer were doing 'em in the butt. Oh! And we would pop the top off all her flowers so it would just be stems all lined up….  and" overcome with snickers he paused a moment, "We would climb up in her apple tree and eat the apples but leave them hanging from the core!"

"You guys were truly terrible kids! Is this the old lady neighbor you're always saying was so rotten and mean and hated you guys?"

"Well, yeah." it was obvious he could see where I was going with this.

"Was that before or after you guys began terrorizing her?"

"I don't know." there wasn't any way for him to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up just thinking about all the fun they'd had at her expense but he added soberly "my mom had a way of starting wars with people."

"I suppose she could, with an army like you and your siblings."

"It was mostly Big Brother and I."

"I bet." I nodded knowingly "and you're both still up to no good, with all those pranks you play at work."

"ahahah… good times" he tried to breath between fits of silent laughter.

"Why doesn't anyone ever prank you back?" I asked him admiringly.

"I don't know," he shrugged "Guess they're scared."

"Tell me about all the pranks, will you?"

"Sure."

"Good. I want to write them all down."