There are no fences in the country.
As far as I can tell everyone owns dogs in the country.
They know they own a dog or more likely dog(s). They feed the dog(s). They let the dog(s) out periodically throughout the day.
And the dogs shit all over our yard.
Then they come open the back door up and call for the dog to come home. Or the dog hangs around for awhile, roaming our yard until it decides to go home.
They MUST know the dog defecates. The also must know that it is NOT leaving the land mines in THEIR yard. Their beautiful, green, groomed yard, free of flies, stink and animal excrement.
What the fuck!? What the fuck I say! WHAT THE FUCK.
Earlier this afternoon The Man was outside splitting wood. I did hear swearing but I assumed it was part of the grunting and chopping. Nope. He stepped in dog shit four times. He actually found dog shit ON some of the wood. Those of you who know The Man can probably imagine the shade of red his face was as he told me about this. He wants to go talk to the neighbors (on both sides of us) about the dog shit.
"Hi! We just moved in and we already think you're inconsiderate assholes! Let me tell you why!"
I'm hesitant.
I'm sure they would prefer to live with the illusion that their pet doesn't shit. After all, they don't see it shit. It could be any dog doing it. HA! I can gaze out of my picture window to observe anywhere up to four dogs shitting in the yard at any given time!
In my opinion they already know damn well what they're doing/allowing. I have little faith that a talk from The Man would change their behavior. And then there will be awkwardness. Because… it will escalate. It would HAVE to. It's some sort of alpha neighbor thing.
On the other hand… I can't live like this! We are outside people. My kids are runners! They go outside and play! I go outside and play! I do not want to clean up dog shit. If I did I would have a fucking dog myself.
I trolled the internet looking for solutions.
Suggestions included :
Shoot the dogs in the ass with a bb gun/paintball gun when they're in the act.
*blank stare* …. Right. I'm going to start shooting guns and suddenly be able to hit a dog in the ass And continue to tell my children not to hurt animals? Besides, I don't blame the dogs.
Pour a bucket of water on the dog when you catch it in the act.
Seriously? I'm going to stand around with buckets of water and chase dogs all day? Right. Cause I have that kind of time. There are surveys to take people!
Bag the shit up and put it on the offending neighbors porch.
Oh. That do unto you as you have dun unto me thing. Yeah. That's intelligent. I might as well write up a note that says how grateful I am to clean , bag and deliver their dogs shit for them as well.
Take a shit on their lawn and see how they like it.
Clearly this person was unbalanced. Still. I like it.
Sprinkle cayenne pepper (and numerous other such things) on the spots the dog goes.
None of those ideas are very practical in a rain forest. It's washed away hourly.
Pour bacon grease/bits on the piles and hope the dog comes back and eats it all. Grin while you imagine the kisses they're getting next door.
Okay first… *throwing up* and second … oh gawd that's funny… and third I really don't need my toddler, the mimic seeing that.
and finally… Collect your urine in a mason jar and pour an invisible fence. Dogs are all about scent. They will stay out.
This makes sense to me but I'm not a fan of beginning my canning career in this way. I don't think even The Man, the kids and I together can produce enough to line the property. And once again.. It's rainy here. Still. The Man is excited about this. You know, alpha male, marking territory… it's all right up his alley. I believe he said "I think Crispy and Sock (his brothers) would contribute in milk jugs!" Fantastic! heh. It's touching, right? Other than the nastiness?
Thoughts? I know I have animal owners and lovers on my sub-list. Go ahead… explain yourselves. I will warn you my opinions on the topic are passionate and unyielding.
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