Dew Stew

To be trapped, tied down no matter how pleasant the fellow occupants, how sparkly the bars, makes me squirm and itch to know what I'm missing.

I'm missing you.

Have you heard that scientists are isolating a "believer" gene? Something some of us have and some of don't. The ability to believe. This makes absolute sense to me because I don't believe.

I want to. But I refuse. It's too painful.

Except that sometimes I sense this tiny little piece of me, sheltered deep within my walls, the very reason for the walls that does believe, that's just waiting to be gratified with something anything just once being the way it should be.

And what of self-fulfilled prophecy? What if the dreamer holds the dream rather than risk a reality that could destroy the dream?

Does worrying that it will be destroyed mean you don't really believe?

And once the dreamer gives up the dream to reality, what then? He surely must have another dream or lose that self. You can't have your dream without giving it up for another.

We love to be right. No matter what is lost.

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It's so easy to please him that it's almost cruel not to. So I do. There is something to be found in his arms, it's safe and I can see I'm doing it for him. Drawing him out, creating flames from nothing more than warmth. When he's done he grins like a child and breaths "That's how it should be."  I kiss him on his forehead, it had been a better than usual show. "You have no idea, baby. No idea."

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When Tim goes grocery shopping he thinks we're Mormon. Granted, my sister and her daughter are here often enough to go ahead and print her a t-shirt with "2nd wife",  but far as I know the end of the world isn't anytime soon. Not soon enough to have food pouring from the cupboards onto the countertops. It comes from not having enough when he was a kid and it comes from the hope that he won't have to go back to the dreaded Winco for a couple years.  That and the five packages of razors could be a hint. It's been hot the last few days so I've been smooth and I guess he would like to see that trend continue. *shrug*  We'll see.

BigD has been out of town so my niece has been staying with us. She packed a lot. Plenty of clothes, her favorite blankets, her pillow, her baseball bag, the Plague. Of course, this saves us a lot of groceries. She won't eat, she's just lying around in her underwear puking all over the house watching movies. Thatcher loved her up a lot the first couple of days she was here, so he's been squirting shit all over again. Seriously, I don't know how we thought that thing a few weeks ago was the 'rhea. THIS my friends, is rhea. No rash so far so that's awesome. Diapers sure are amazing these days. You can poor a can of soup in there and it holds.