The Stink of Out-of-Towner

We walked all the way through town to get to the bar on the corner of Main and Washington. My little brother wasn't all that happy about it, either. "Why couldn't we drive?" He asked exasperatedly.

"'Cause I intend to drink, that's why. If I wanted to stay designated we would drive to Boise. The best thing this shit hole has going for it is its proximity to the motel."  This was the first time my brother and I had ever been out together.  "Listen up, little brother. I know how to have a good time so just relax and enjoy the ride."

He guffawed at me in disbelief. "How often do you go out?" He asked

"Not often." I admitted.

"I'm out all the time." He smirked down at me from his new height.

"That's 'cause you're not doing it right." We had arrived in front of the bar, re-named Cherries since the last time I had been there. I held the door open for him and swung my arm in a flourish inside the dimly lit bar. "Let's do this."

I ordered our drinks and chose a table in the center of the bar, against the outer wall. He yammered on about the label on his beer not being the correct color and since I was surveying the scene around us it took me too long to grasp that he was talking about a heat sensing label. "Isn't your hand wrapped around it most of the time? How can that be accurate?" I asked him idly.  He went on bullshitting about it and I went back to gauging the room for fun potential.

Toward the back of the bar, near the restrooms there was a loud group of ladies, looked like a mom's night out crowd. Along the bar were the usual characters, the two girls in short skirts with the one girl in shants. All of them were wearing exposed thongs, it was like a thong line up over there. There were two or three "cowboys", the kinda guys who rode a bull once when they were fifteen and are planning on getting laid off of it for the rest of their lives. A couple was playing pool between make-out sessions and Tyler remarked that the girl was "trouble".

"Can you believe the glares n' stares we're getting?" I asked Tyler

"I know!" he said "I think it's you, you stink of out of towner."

"OOOH! Look at that, there's three guys lined up on the dance floor, do you think they're going to line dance?" I asked excitedly.

"It's possible" he responded dryly. Sadly they shuffled back to their stools in their pointy toed boots and one of the three thongs got up to sing instead. While the dj tried to find her selection I played the guess what song they're going to sing game with Tyler.

"Hmmm….. She's going to sing that one about the cheater, the country one." I guessed

"Nahh, she'll do that one every gal does, you know it what is it?"

"I love rock n' roll?" I asked

"Yeah, that one." He said. I sighed. I was hoping there would be more country flavor in here. I mean shit, I hear that song every time I go out. He was right, the song thumped into the room and all the other thongs rushed up to sing it with her.

Tyler and I went back to sizing people up around us. He was telling me who's ass was doing the best job flossing. "You know, I'm going to have to make it obvious we're not together if you're hoping to meet a girl." I pointed out.

"What are you talking about?" He said

"Everyone in here thinks we're a couple." I said "Not just a couple, a couple that's been together a real long time."

"They do not."

"Oh they do. Think about it. I'm buying your drinks, we came in together, we're sitting together laughing and comfortable but not making out. We might as well wear a sign that says 'we've been married so long we look like each other.'" I laughed at his distaste. "And it doesn't matter what you say to them, they'll think you're sneaking around on me." I sipped my drink. "Actually that could work out well for you if you're not serious about them."

"Have you noticed how attentive the bartender has been?" Tyler asked me, referring to her quickness to empty the ashtray and wipe our table.

"Yeah, you think she's cute?"

"I like her. She looks like she could throw down."

"Well just so's ya know, she's attentive because I'm an exorbitant tipper. But that doesn't mean she doesn't like you too."  I hopped off my stool to head to the bathroom. "Hey listen if I don't come back in ten minutes you better come get me, this entire room of bitches has been glaring at me awhile and I might have to use you and yer blue eyes as a distraction while I tie them all up with their thongs."

When I arrived back at the table I noticed the dj had given up trying to get people up to sing and was playing hip hop. "Tyler! Look! It's time!"

"Time for what?"

"Uhh…. Dancing. Duh."

"I don't dance."

"Pishaw, save that shit for girls who believe it. I'm your sister."  He gave me the look. The please don't make me embarrass myself look. "Fine. I'm more of a solo act anyway." I strolled over the patch of linoleum designating the dance area and started dancing next to two of the thongs.