First you need to form a relationship that can last long enough to run into this problem. The key here is in knowing what you want and finding a person who knows what they want and in wanting the same thing at the same time. Easier said than done. I can't advise you on how to make THAT happen. The Man just fell into my lap. As my long-time readers know, he was a one night stand that wouldn't go away. He also insisted that we eat out a lot and then sometimes we'd really live it up and have a drink even, so I suppose that was our dating.
One night he took me to Edgefield and after I attempted to set him on fire in the parking lot (very windy and I was smoking) we ended up in one of the bars inside. I actually drank two drinks. This apparently put me in a mood to give him what for and tell him what was up and how it was going to be. I know. I'm an adorable drunk. He might have been a lot more drunk. It's hard to say, he had the slight slur to his words but I know now the mere smell of alcohol and he starts doing that in anticipation of intoxication and even just a particularly good orgasm can trigger it so looking back I'm not so sure.
"You're just such a great mom. I love the way you're a mom. The way you do it. I think you're amazing to stay at home with her and the way you play with them and all of it." Yes, I nearly puked.
"The thing is. I didn't want this. I didn't plan this. But here it is so once I decided to do it, of course I'm going to do it the best way I can. You need to know that you can't be part of that unless you're in it for the long hall. We can mess around when I have free-time but other than that the Mom stuff is nothing to do with you."
"What if I am in it for the long haul?" He asked staring at me. Totally called my bluff.
"Well. I haven't decided that you are." I carefully avoided telling him outright that I didn't think he was "the one". No reason to be hurtful when it was just talk anyway. I sipped more alcohol. "You don't even have any idea what you're saying. It's easy to think you want it. It's all sunshine and tiny adorable girl and fun trips to the zoo from the outside but the REALITY is something else."
"It's all I've ever wanted. Isn't it what everyone wants? Family. I work and work and work and I want it to be for something. Something more than drinking with my brother on the weekends and sleeping all the time."
"Well. I suppose it is what most people want. It's not that I never wanted it. Just that I wanted to do some other stuff first. And I wanted it IF I wanted it when I wanted it."
"What else do you want?" It was as if he just realized that for the three or four months we had been seeing one another he had been talking. About scaffolding. His family. His entire life. He had laid it all down in front of me until I knew him, could wrinkle him up in one hand and iron him out in another. It was that turning point. The place where it's either going to move forward or fizzle out. The place where it starts to be for keeps.
"That's just it! I don't even know! I want to want. I want to discover and move and grow and change. And I will. I'm just doing this thing backwards. Since she came along and they haven't invented a way to freeze embryos for a better time to have them I had to do that first. And it's nothing like I wanted. For me or my baby but I'm trying to create it the best I can, as close to the ideals I have about it as I can under my limited circumstances. Then when she's bigger I can start the other stuff."
"Well. I want it. I want you. The you, you are right now." I laughed at his seriousness. I couldn't help it, I had never seen him looking so intense.
"That's because you think you can order it like a side dish!" He stared at me uncomprehendingly. "You don't think anything much would change for you. You might play house awhile and if it doesn't work out oh well you'd move on. I'm IN IT."
"You're the one making me…. on the side or whatever you said."
"Yeah well. I'll think about it. And what happens when I want to do other things? Then what?"
"Then nothing. You can do whatever you want."
"I will hold you to that." I grinned at him and changed the subject to lighter material. "Don't you want to tell me about scaffolding or something?"
"No. I want you to admit you hated this sweatshirt. That's why you set it on fire." I laughed wildly at his crazy accusation.
"I didn't set you on fire on purpose!"
"Admit you hate this sweatshirt."
"I don't! It's… nice. It looks very warm. What is that fleece?"
"You hate it. Always have."
"heh. It's best you know what I'm capable of right away Mr. Long Haul"
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