Size Matters

As is customary on talk shows when the writers run out of material* …….

Let's go to the mailbox, shall we?

We all get stranger friend requests. Now that Tom offers the option to type a short message to be sent along WITH the request there is absolutely no excuse not to.  (there is one excuse and when I do it be sure and ask me and I will excuse myself with it) My policy is to let them rot. If you deny them they come back. If you let it sit there in the box then in a week or two when they try you again it will tell them what an ass they are. Over and over. Automated you're an ass rejection. LOVE it. Anywhoot.

Today I popped in as I had been flagged as having NEW friend requests. *blush* I know, it's shocking how special I feel. So I see a chick.. Looks like a porn bot to me. You know the kind.. Looking for me to get to know them and then maybe pay them to see them masturbate on camera. As if I need pointers. *elbows nearest person knowingly* It's pokers I need not pointers. *triple snort*

 Then I notice her name. I won't give it here. But it's bracketed in such a way that it resembles MY NAME. Except it doesn't make sense on a few levels like mine does. (so what if I'm not supposed to admit it fucking rocks! My name does rock so there!)

 It's something like Jad[ed]. And the avatar is headless. This chick took a picture of herself with her naval all exposed and looking all hookery! And used brackets instead of parenthesis! (totally wish I thought of that) possibly in an effort to emulate me!

***by the by - those people who say it's the sincerest form of flattery? Fuck that. Tell that to people experiencing identity theft. *nods with eyebrows up* eh? Eh? Eh? Oh shit I know it's no big deal . Pishaw.

This is the part where we laugh about me thinking this chick is a yucky porn botter and than realizing she's instead a pseudo Dew(ed). *gestures for everyone to join in* ahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaah!  "Even Dew(ed) admits she looks like a myspace hookah"  yeah yeah get it out of your systems.

My curiosity, piqued, I click away to get a look at her profile, wondering if she's wanting to be on the Dew(ed) slider or what.  That doesn't appear to be the case. I don't see any mutual friends. I have never seen her on the blogs I read. So I read her profile (what? I'm already there) and it becomes clear that she's dealing with having an eating disorder. No that's not right. She's an advocate of Eating Disorder as lifestyle. Yeah that's sounds more right. So I feel my friendship was targeted.

This pisses me off.  (now we get to open a big old stinky can-oh-beans)

I'm slenderish. I have always been slenderish. (ignores sister(d) raising her hand to point out baby pictures of Dew(ed) with her little infant halter top ROLLING up because of all the baby chub) Alright. Since around two I have always been slender. My mom is slender. My sister is slender. My grandma was slender. (not that one the other one) my point is, I don't DO anything to be slender. I don't exercise. I don't think about what I eat. I don't give a flying fuck about calories. I have never owned a scale.

I don't "deserve" it, but there it is.

And it just IS.

We're in a big danger zone here. I am aware that statistically Americans tend not to be slenderish. I know I'm out-numbered. But goddamn it I have a right to be heard!!! And I'm tired of the uncomfortable awkwardness of being forced to apologize for it.

Oh you think that's not how it is? Too bad you can't wear a skinny suit.

In any female gathering (and more and more it's men too) weight WILL come up. I have NEVER brought weight up. But it ALWAYS comes up.

My favorite is when they tell me why I'm skinny.

-because I smoke.
-because I starve myself
-because I must throw up after I eat.

Or how I'm going to pay for it in the end anyway.

-osteoporosis
-the cancer (from the cigarettes I smoke to stay skinny)

Or how I'm paying for it now.

-boobless
-yeah I guess that's it. (has little desire for boobs anyway)

So enough people. Stop harassing the naturally scrawny adolescent boy looking women in your life. Does it suck that weight isn't an issue for them and it is for you? File it under LIFE IS NOT FAIR and move the fuck on. You can bet they have their own problems. Oh and let them have those fucking problems instead of interrupting them to remind them they're thin and therefore should be blissfully happy  and without another care in the world the way you imagine you would be were you thin. REALITY CHECK PLEASE!

And now lets move on to the message box. I have a request for advice that I'd like you to help me answer. In the interest of protecting the guilty I'm leaving out their name. Picture an avatar with a guy (pretty well built) with his back turned flexing his muscles. His name might be something like "Smooth"

Here it is:


Subject:   : )
Body:
You are, like, unbelievably gorgeous!

Sorry if you get this all the time, but I need to ask, since you potentially have really good luck with this type of thing based on your attractiveness: does size matter to you and your friends?

Like, have you ever been with a guy that was so small you laughed or so big you did the whole "OMG!" thing?

Long story about why I'm asking, lol...



Yeah. So that's either going to lead to a penis enlargement sales talk or I'm going to end up accidentally stuck cybering again.  Why should I allow that when I have you to answer this young man's query?  Oh alright I admit it's rhetorical so we can all laugh about this suckers lame pick-up/sales attempt (I'm still not sure which it is)

*Dew(ed) is not actually out of material. Dew has so many things rolling around in her head that she can and even WANTS to write about. This is the truly bad kind of Writer's Block in which the words tumble like alphabet soup in the mind and come out… well a bit like alphabet soup, in that they're mushy and acidy and disgusting.  And the grisly bits of meat in the soup are the parts when I speak of myself in the 3rd person.