1.) Designate a Door Person. It isn't always a coveted job, I know. My parents worked it in shifts. Mom took us trick-or-treating and Dad passed out candy. When we finally got back home Dad would take anyone still greedy out for the second round. Sometimes an older kid who claims to be "too old" for trick or treating can be bullied into taking the door job. Let them have a friend over and make it fun. If there's no way to leave someone at home and you decide to leave a bowl outside with a nice little sign that says take one please know that the first person who comes along will empty that bowl into their bag. Such is the world. I say hide in the bushes and terrorize the person you catch doing that.
2.) Dress Appropriately. This is a holiday people. Put some kind of costume on. Have some personality, we walked to your house for crying out loud. Dress the house too. A bag of that spider webbing is like $3.00, surely you can spread that around the porch.
3.) Scare the crap out of the big kids. They're counting on you to do this! You're just as likely to be egged or toilet papered for being lame as you are for being "hella-cool". Have fun with the little kids. My dad liked answering the door with a bag of onions and asked the kids if they wanted onions in their treat bag. His favorite story was when some little boy asked "Are they Walla-Walla?" ß Pardon me, that's local humor. He did give them treats after the trick, btw.
4.) Follow the Halloween Code.
Halloween Code:
1. If you're against Halloween, fine. Leave the porch light off and we will not bother you. However, do not spend hundreds decorating your house and then decide you're not going to hand out candy. It's cruel.
2. Go ahead and ask what we're supposed to be. We like it.
3. Give us something to thank you for. Sure, we should be grateful for anything (we are begging) but let's face it, dropping one Hershey kiss into our hollow little plastic pumpkin insults everyone involved.
4. No costume = no candy but feel free to offer the grown-ups something to keep their spirits up.
5. Do something about your yipping dogs. Seriously.
5.) Don't scar and/or traumatize little kids. Do I really have to explain? If you must scare little ones dress as Santa. 6.) Just like all the other holidays consider this an opportunity to warp it and make it your own. Have a theme, push your philosophies whatever. This could be as simple as handing out toothbrushes or popcorn instead of candy. Halloween more than any other holiday fits everyone. So you hate yard work, great you have a spooky trash hole, so you like to be the best go ahead and hand out full size candy bars it gives our journey through the neighborhood natural highs and lows. Of course if you hand my child religious propaganda I will toilet paper your house but that's just part of the magic of Halloween.
7.) Be traditional. I still remember specific houses on my childhood trick-or-treating route by what they did at Halloween. There was an old lady who spent thirty minutes shuffling to the door with a cookie tray of stickers and then patiently waited while children chose their favorite to take home. One guy had a HUGE pumpkin in his window every year and used a sound system to make it talk to the kids. We all looked forward to it every year.
8.) Make cookies and cocoa so that when your crew gets home they have something warm and wonderful waiting for them. Spike your spouses' mug with alcohol so he or she can relax and give you some hot costume action.
9.) If you want to hand-out home made treats be prepared for everyone to throw them away. A better idea is to make a couple of home-made goody bags for the children you know well and give the rest a single Hershey kiss each. Bwaaaahahahahaha!
10.) Buy good Halloween candy. Turn out is getting low and you'll be eating it until someone gives you something better at Christmas. It's okay to close up shop at ten.
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