Place Signature Here

The Man was pretty annoyed when he went to turn in the application to live in the New House. They told him he had to have me fill one out separately and pay another application fee. Because we're not married.

"Tell me again why we don't just get married?" he said the way he does anytime it costs us extra money to remain separate individuals under the law.

"It only seems ridonkulous because I'm a non-person." I told him.

"What?"

"I don't exist on paper. Not really. No job to check. No former addresses. No credit. No ownership. Nothing for them to see. I'm a non-person. I'm just putting the same information as you on the other application sheet. That parts annoying, but they have no idea I'm a non-person until they look and find out. Besides, if we were married it would probably just be one bigger fee. It's still two people to check."

This afternoon we have to go sign papers. The lease or whatever.


Whatever. I mean. It's a line to sign. It's not like it freaks me out. It's not like I can't BE a real person. It's not like we're not already doing it. It's not like it matters that my name will be there on the actual document this time. Doesn't change anything. Just my name scrawled on a line. It doesn't mean anything.

I'm not freaking out about it.

I'm not.

********** Insert hours passing and the office visit **********

The lease is eight pages long!!!!!! So there we are in the tiny front entry of a house made into an office with three children in FULL afternoon mode (moms will know), trying to read 8 pages of legalese. And when I say WE… I mean ME.

My circuits fried. I hate leases. I hate signing. I hate all of it.


Here's the thing. It's not that I would ever leave the lawn uncut. It's not like I would let the kids leave their toys lying all over the front yard or remove the smoke detectors or even break any of the other rules detailed within the eight looong pages. As a matter of fact, I'm probably the renter that fucks it for everyone else. After me they probably think of NEW rules based on how fucking great a renter I am just to make sure the next renter does as great a job.

But I do not want to sign something that says I HAVE TO. And I don't want to sign something that details for eight pages exactly how quickly and deeply they're going to ream me should they decide I'm not up to par.

FUCK THAT.

Plus there's a couple pretty serious issues I wont describe here.

********** Insert intense conversation with The Man that reveals just how freaking crushed he will be if we do not move into THAT house, THIS weekend. **********


"Fine. I'll just sign it. But if shit fucking hit's the fan I don't want to get one tiny bit of grief. Not one bit!"

I was thinking I might get drunk for the signing, but I'm afraid I'll wake up married or something.